What up? Just dropping in to give you a heads up of what to expect from This Sentence No Verb this coming weekend. But first let's ramble on nonsensically for a while!
Anyway, today is another one of those times when I want to write about something but all I've got (apart from the one or two big posts that are still being worked on) are lots of half ideas. I watched the Superman Doomsday film last night and as much as I want to discuss the highs and lows (mainly lows) I can't because, well, there's really not that much to it. Seriously. The fights were OK I guess but in true fanboy entitlement fashion I can't get over the fact that...oh, wait -
- there we go. Yes, I can't get over the fact that Mercy gets shot in the head. Not cool. Not cool. I also watched Heroes Season 2 Episode 1 and it was pretty good but if it stays true to form and Season 1 was a Watchmen/Days Of Future Past type affair then I have the horrible feeling that Season 2 is going to be a Legacy Virus/Contagion thing. And nobody wants that.
I also kind of want to do a thing about the Black Canary and Green Arrow Wedding Special too but...I didn't like it. I didn't hate it either which leaves me very little opportunity to attempt to be entertaining about it. All I can say is what has already been said elsewhere on the interweb - Amanda Conner Draw Pretty. Look at her absolutely perfect Wonder Woman and Superman:
Man, I would love for AC to be the artist on my ill-conceived Hela mini-series.
True dat Captioning John. Y'see how cool that looks? That's what I want to see more of in my comics. Smiling. That's Wonder Woman right there. Is she on the art when Gail Simone takes over Wonder Woman? Or is it the Dodsons? It'd be both boss and mint if AC was on there. It's like everyone else has been saying - she's as good as Maguire. Although one thing that nobody else (that I'm aware of) has mentioned is her take on Deathstroke the Terminator.
He's so cute! Look at his little legs dangling! Awww! I want a Deathstroke the Terminator plushie now!
I also found a wonderful page that I could grab an out-of-context-panel from too when I was composing my list of Top 25 Marvel and DC characters for Jon Carey's Maths and I was thinking about Batman's best ever love interest - Sasha Bordeaux/Cover.* Thing is, it's just a very poor piece of innuendo that ruins what is otherwise a 3 page sequence of serious Comic Book Badassery. I kid you not, this moment is up there with Steph's reaction when Batman said she could be Robin and I don't know if I can cheapen that. It wouldn't feel right.
I, however, have no problems with cheapening it! Let the lowbrow commence!
Yeah, that is pretty lowest common denominator, isn't it? What next, we going to make jokesabout Liefeld's inability to draw human anatomy?
Err...
Weak dude. Weak.
This Weekend On This Sentence No Verb: JLA/Hitman, JYD Loves Hela and Mirror Match!
I had a day off today and the plan was to have a little bit of a do last night then spend the day working on a sizeable Mirror Match post. Unfortunately, last night's "one or two light ales" turned into a full on booze session during which a plan was made.
Today I have done the following:
Returned to the place that stole my shoes. Seen a newspaper from the future. Cursed a play. Shot virtual deer, quail and boar. Bought myself a new bandana. Consumed plenty of high quality rum in a bar that had its own vault. Watched Rovers put in a shockingly poor performance against Larissa. Eaten a mighty fine curry. Received a talk on fire safety.
To be honest, this is a pretty textbook example of what happens when I go to Lancaster and Morecambe. At least this time I didn't lose any footwear to quicksand. In fact, it was a great day. So good that I have absolutely nothing to post here. Nada. That was supposed to be today's task and I'm at work tomorrow so I have little time to do anything right now. I've failed in my 7 days of content pledge. This isn't content, it's merely filler. I mean, I'm going to try to make it worthwhile but in doing so I'll be, well, doing something I never wanted to do. I'm bringing next week's JYD Loves Hela forward.
This Sentence No Verb: Packed to the brim with Asgard, Asgard, Asgard!
Come on, I tried, right? This wasn't too much of a cop out. It might not be stellar work, but I think now I can say I've met my pledge, right?
After last night's entirely valid but funny-free post I resolved to actually entertain you with this evening's post and I was planning to write one of the funniest things that has ever been uploaded to the InformationSuperM62Corridor. That was the plan.
Mike Sterling had beaten me to it. Unsurprising really - if Sims is the Batman of Blogging then Sterling is the Superman. Trying to write about Simonson's Thor after he's already put something on ThE iNtErnET is like trying to follow a 3 hour Prince gig when all you have is a comb, some paper and a mentally challenged backing singer called Bubba.
Seriously, I got nothin'. Today is one of those days where everyone is on fine form. Scip's destroying sanity with his post about Jean Loring and Jon is helping him, Devon is rocking our aesthetics and funny bones with his Sketch-A-Palooza and Kalinara is (deservedly) laying into Starman. Even my livejournal friends list contains the awesome, Philippos42 made the best used of the Strikethrough tag that I've ever seen. I could just about deal with that were it not for the fact that Leigh, Richard and T-Dawg have all finished theirownmeme that I originally got from Ami and as I predicted they're all far funnier than mine. Not only that but their selections of characters show that they're also well rounded indivuals and choose people other than robots and vikings.
T-Dawg and Katie are on their way round tonight for a few light ales so I don't even have much time to post something that can keep up with any of that. Dammit! I wanted to amuse people tonight! So I gave up. I decided that I'd break my 7 Days of Content pledge and just read some randomly collected comics.
Fortunately, one of them was an old Superman.
Yes Superman, all the fish look like Lois. I'm sure if just some of the fish looked like Lois then it'd all make perfect sense to you, but all of the fish? Madness!
Now so far on This Sentence No Verb I think I've done pretty good at focussing on the positive in comics. OK, I did lay into Thor #2 before the greatness of #3 and I may have had that Ark-of-the-Covenant-ugly panel of Catwoman but generally I've kept it to a minimum. I've tried to bring to you (the hypothetical reader figure) a little slice in every post of why I love comics. Apart from the posts that aren't about comics, natch. I think that I've always endeavoured to give you a little bit of awesome. But tonight...
Is no different! Seamless introduction over with it's time to drop science on those assembled!
I honestly think that at the moment there are some very fine comics out there - Captain America, She-Hulk, Blue Beetle, All New Atom and so on. They're especially good if you keep away from all that Countdown To Final Secret Invasion War: Disassembled Messiah Crisis bobbins that's going on. One of the true highlights at the moment is Matt Fraction's Punisher: War Journal. It's the perfect book to bring the grim and gritty 90s-Cool Punisher back into the mainstream Marvel Universe.
It's a title that gives you not only gratuitous violence, pretty art and colourful supervillains, it's actually pretty smart in a subversive kind of way. Hell, the saddest moment printed in any Marvel comic about the death of Captain America came in War Journal when Frank Castle hears the news. That's a testament to Matt Fraction - I can have my face rocked and mind blown for 22 pages but I also get my heart tugged for two. Not to bring too much with the hyperbole here but when I read War Journal I get the same feeling I do when I read Walt Simonson's Thor or Gail Simone's Birds of Prey - here is someone writing comics who gets it. I've not read any of his work on Iron Fist but I've heard many good things about it and I don't know if I can keep myself from getting it for much longer but what I do know for sure is that Mr Fraction's veins run with pure unadulterated awesomosity.
Issue 11 comes at the end of an arc where the Punisher takes on the Hate-Monger - a Nazi supervillain wearing a swastika adorned version of the late Captain America's costume. Arc recap in extremely brief - Naturally, when the Hate-Monger's immigrant killing ways made the papers our Frank wasn't too happy with the fact a fascist was wearing something that evoked the memory of Cap. So Frank heads on down to take him out in his own imitable way. Oh yeah, and to do so Frank made his own version of Captain America's costume:
Liquid Awesome.
However, after a lot of blood has been shed and the Hate-Monger killed, Frank is left with the realisation that maybe there isn't much difference between him and the Hate-Monger. Of course, there's also the matter of Bucky - Captain America's former WWII Kid sidecick turned Soviet assasin cyborg turned morally grey good guy. Unsurprisingly, Bucky isn't dealing so well with Cap's death and he's not too pleased about The Punisher diserespecting the uniform. We join our two anti-heroes just after superhuman robot assassin Bucky has challenged crazed vigilante The Punisher to a fight. Things do not look good for Mr Castle.
Comic Book Badassery! Live and in your face!
Like the animal cruelty the other night, CBB isn't all about the big moments, it's the smaller things too. Expectations are confounded and in those two pages we get a brilliant summary of the Punisher and who he is. A man seeking vengeance in a world of over-the-top superheroics. A man who knows he can't live up to the ideals of another former soldier fighting the good fight. A tragically conflicted character who can never get back the life he wanted. A man who will knock you the fuck out if you call him chicken. And that's another reason why I love comics.
Matt Fraction: I salute you. I'm going to have to start reading Iron Fist now aren't I?
Well, today felt like Autumn for the first time and when my favourite season rolls around I always feel, well, a little more romantic. You all know what that means!
Question: How do you deal with 2 Gods battling in your house?
It's Sunday, I'm hungover and there's only one thing that's going to make me feel better and that's the classic joy that is the torment of animals in comic books! We've been here once before and it was my pleasure to share with you the fun of Superman throwing a whale and Batman tackling a lion. It's not always about the big and impressive though. Yeah, we all know about de-aged Batman wrestling a bear and you can't deny the awesomeness of that but what about the other end of the scale? Why not think small? I suggest that all people of a nervous disposition look away now.
What's in the bag? What could Kim have given Killer Croc to deal with Batman. A bomb? Laser guns? Jeph Loeb?
Those are the most painfully cute puppies the world has ever seen. But he isn't going to do what I think he's going to do, is he?
Badass [Bad-as] Slang: Vulgar, Adj; 1. (of a person) difficult to deal with; mean-tempered; touchy. 2. distinctively tough or powerful; so exceptional as to be intimidating. 3. Killer Croc + (Puppies x Altitude)
For all those no-good hippies sensitive types out there I can assure you that Robin successfully "broke left" and caught the puppy. However Batman just let the other one die because this issue of Gotham Adventures was written by Frank Miller. On the next page Batman punches a prostitute in the face.
I kid! I kid! Lazy bloggery I know, taking a pop at both Loeb and Miller. Sorry. I'm just messing with y'all. Both puppies survive and go on to lead fulfilling lives on a happy farm of some kind, possibly one made out of marshmallows and rainbows. I'd never show you anything that involves the messy death of cute, fluffy animals.
And we're back with the most diligent examination of Asgardian real estate that you're ever going to find on this or any other internet! We have Thor #3 so let's check out what advice Thor has been seeking about property law! As ever, click to make the pictures economy sized.
Yes! It's still going on. JMS can really stretch out an idea, can't he?
I kid! I kid! That isn't what this post is about. It's time to get my review on!
You may or may not have noticed that I'm quite a fan of Thor and as such I was looking forward to this new series. Especially when I realised that it was being written by J. Michael "Babylon 5" Straczynski. Then I remembered that he's also J. Michael "Sins Past" Straczynski and the anticipation changed to dread that it was going to suck more than Star Trek V. Issue #1 was very much a setting up of the series with Donald Blake explaining that whilst all the Asgardians were dead (actually dead, not Valhalla or Niffelheim dead) and the cycle of Ragnarok had been broken that something of the Gods still lived on in the minds of men, so Thor returned to seek out his friends, family and probably some foes too.
Issue #2...well, I talked about this already and I was less than impressed.
Then I saw the preview of Issue #3 and my heart really began to sink. It didn't look like it was going to be any good at all.
Issue #3 hit the stands this week. One more chance. We had better get some top notch action in this one or else. Well Thor, did we get some top notch action?
Oh SNAP!
The preview promised some kind of confrontation with Iron Man which was only moderately exciting because, well Tony's had a beatdown from Spidey, She-Hulk, The Hulk and pretty much every other hero in the MU recently. Just another in the latest of a long line of Someone-Beats-Down-On-Tony-Stark-But-Tony-Has-Some-Sort-Of-Special-Device-Or-Suit-Of-Armour-That-Makes-It-Evenly-Matched-So-Even-Though-Tony-Is-A-World-Class-Dick-He-Doesn't-Get-The-Smackdown-We-Want-To-See type fights. So, here we go again. Yeah, we get the action that this series needs but the fight's going to be exactly the same. Or is it? Or IS it? OR IS IT?
Here we go with the repulsor blast that'll take Thor out. *sigh*
See?
Hold on a minute there Captioning John , is the next panel actually incredibly awesome? Could it be Thor completely unharmed?
Holy crap Main Post Writing John! You're right! It looked like I jumped the gun there a little bit.
Hang on, do you too have the wonderful feeling that when we're going to turn the page that all is going to be right with the world?
No way. We can't be that lucky. Can we? I mean, so far this series has been all about Thor tooling about in Asgard. There's no way that we're going to get some Comic Book Badassery. It's just not going to happen.
It is on my friends. It. Is.ON.
HOT DAMN! If anything deserves an Action Replay, it's that!.
SPANNG!
One more time!
*sniff* It's just...beautiful --sob--
YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!
From this point on this issue rocked my face. Tony gets a serious beatdown and doesn't even manage to scratch Thor and all the while the Odinson is using his own inimitable style of Asgardian smack-talk.
And if you think that's good, you should hear Thor's stack of "Yo' Momma" jokes.
There was even a reveal at the end of the issue. Remember the New Orleans guy from the preview who had a go at Thor? Well, it turns out that the reason he is so sad is because he is harbouring more than his own grief, he's also experiencing the grief of the Gods because he's go an Asgardian clamped onto his soul. Thor frees Heimdall from the minds of mortals and returns to Asgard with the guardian of the Rainbow Bridge.
There are one or two minor criticisms I can make though, the issue still suffers a little bit from too much talky and not enough hitty and Thor does let Tony leave (even if he makes him walk home) but I can forgive that. I can forgive it because as a whole the issue was one that makes me punch my fist in the air. We know what's coming up next too, Thor is going to carry on searching for the Asgardians so it's probably going to be Balder or Sif in the next issue. That's OK I suppose. JMS has already achieved awesomeness here so we can't expect him to match it in the next issue by bringing back the Warriors Three or something.
Hey there people, how's it going? Y'all good? Well, even though I promised a week of content starting from tomorrow I have been tagged by Comic Bloggery's very own Supergirl AmiAngelwings so for the first time on This Sentence No Verb I bring you hardcore meme-on-meme action. I believe that in internet etiquette it is rude to ignore such a tagging so with no further ado - let's get it on!
First, select your ten fictional characters (from any medium) by whichever method you like best. Then answer the questions below.
Whichever method I like best? Hmm, I've always been a fan of the thinking and writing it down but maybe there is something to be said for an entirely random method of selecting characters. Of course, the logistics of randomly selecting 10 from every fictional character ever is a little beyond me. So let's stick with the thinking and writing thing.
1. Thor (The Mighty Thor) 2. Reno Raines (Renegade) 3. Mothra (Many films) 4. Ed-209 (Robocop) 5. Hans Gruber (Die Hard) 6. Jessie (Pokemon) 7. Quistis Trepe (FFVIII) 8. Oracle (BoP) 9. Columbo (Columbo) 10. Hela (The Mighty Thor)
1. Divide the list up by even and odd. Which group of five would make a better Five Man Band (like a Power Rangers team)? Who would you slot in each position: Leader, Lancer (second-in-command), Big Guy, Smart Guy, The Chick? If you think the team would be improved by swapping one character between the even and odd groups, which ones would you switch?
Team A: Thor Mothra Hans Gruber Quistis Trepe Columbo
Team B: Reno Raines Ed-209 Jessie Oracle Hela
A 5 man band? Well, looking at what I got there, I'd say that both teams have a pretty good chance of making a truly awesome band of 5, but that's because I have impeccable taste. Seriously. But I'm going to go with Team A just edging it over Team B. Both teams have a divine figure but A also has a kaiju. Plus Mothra always comes with those weird fairy princesses from Infant Island, so they have a number advantage too. #Mosura ya, mosura-a-a, dongan kasakuyan...
Now, let's assign those positions as teams! Go Team A!
Leader: Hans Gruber Lancer: Thor Big Guy: Mothra Smart Guy: Columbo The Chick: Quistis Trepe
OK, I know it's strange that the Viking God of Thunder isn't either the leader or big guy, but he was pipped to the positions by two people who were just slightly better at it. Well, one person and a giant phoenix-like moth, but you know what I mean.
Team B.....Present Arms!
Leader: Hela Lancer: Jessie Big Guy: Ed-209 Smart Guy: Oracle The Chick: Reno Raines
That was pretty easy. To be honest, Oracle would have made a great leader but this team is actually pretty lacking in brains so the Smart Guy has to be the smartest person in the DC universe. Yes, I said the smartest. Oracle is number 1, Lex number 2 and Michael Holt number 3. Batman, you only make number 4 ya grumpy old bastard. Anyway, now I come to rack the two teams up, Team A really does have a big advantage over Team B. So they get the prize!
If I had to swap any of the characters over it'd be Columbo for Hela. That way, Oracle can take her place as leader and Thor and Hela could be together as it plainly should be.
2. Gender-swap 2, 8 & 10. Which character would have the most change in their story arc? Which the least? Would any of these characters have to have a complete personality change to be believable as the opposite sex?
That's Reno, Oracle and Hela.
Even though Reno was assigned the position of "the chick" earlier I think his story arc would be massively changed. Hell, they'd have to change the words to the opening intro to "...but got the man she loved instead. Framed for murder now she prowls the badlands. An outlaw hunting outlaws. A bounty hunter. A Renegade."
Damn, that would be awesome. She could totally hook up with Bobby Sixkiller and Cheyenne would just be her best friend! Every week she'd be defending men and rescuing them! Imagine the sexual tension between her and Dutch Dixon! She could be called Rena Raines! I would so watch that programme.
Would there be a major story arc change had Barbara Gordon been Bob Gordon? Jesus! Well, if she had then maybe Alan Moore wouldn't have, well, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, you should check out some of the things that Philppos42 (The Reed Richards of comic blogging. Before he went crazy and started cloning Gods, natch.) has to say about the subject. Personally I always thought that the end of the Killing Joke was all about the panel we don't see - the one where Batman breaks the Joker's neck - the laughing stops mid guffaw but the sirens are still wailing. That's a much too serious topic for tonight though and is far better discussed by all the variousblogginggeniuses (genii?) out there who are not me. Back to the poor grammar and half-arsed jokes...
As for Hela...I don't want to think about her gender swapping. If she did, it might not affect her story arc too much (after all she is only a minor charcter) but it would certainly affect mine. I'd have some serious questions to ask myself about my sexuality. Let's move on shall we?
I don't think any would need a complete personality change to be believable as the opposite sex really. Maybe Hela. It would probably affect her rare heart-to-hearts with Skurge the Executioner. Heh, being able to write sentences like that is why I like comics so much. Also Punisher: War Journal, but more on that later this week.
3. Compare the matchups of 1 & 8 and 5 & 9. (Ignore canon sexual preferences for the moment.) Which couple would be more compatible? Which couple would be more plausible to people from either principal's home culture?
Thor/Oracle
Hans Gruber/Columbo
Wow.
Those are two godawful couples. Although, if you think of it as Oracle and Jake Olsen it might work. He's whiny enough to fit as Oracle's type. The only stain on her character is her shocking taste in men. Jason Bard? Nightwing?! Flirting with Azrael?! And didn't she also have a crush on Killer Moth? Damn Barbara, you can do so much better. Tim Drake would be my immediate suggestion but there are two main problems with that, 1) Dan Didio would probably have you killed and 2) It's probably illegal. But enough of my unwritten fan-fiction, I think that Thor/Oracle works marginally better because, well, can you really see Master-Criminal Hans Gruber getting on with Super-Cop Columbo? It would be a neverending game of one-upmanship that would leave them bitter and twisted. There's so much passion but they're just poison to each other.
Anyway...
Which couple would be more plausible to people from either principal's home culture? Even though Odin might be a little miffed that his son is getting it on with a mortal he'd probably deal with it. As for Hans and Columbo? Well, their relationship would be fine in Germany but a gay couple in America? They'd probably get burned to death by a passing group of Christian fundamentalists. Or something.
4. Your team is 3, 4 & 9. The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?
Mothra, Ed-209 and Columbo.
Pshaw! Give me a tough one, please.
Social - Mothra Mental - Columbo Physical - ED-209
Next!
5. 7 becomes 1's boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How's their working relationship?
Quistis "Can't deal with the responsibility of being a teacher let alone a war leader" Trepe commanding the Odinson? Somehow, I don't think so. Thor would probably be a nice guy though, help her out and obey her commands even if he thinks their bad because he respects the chain of command but Quistis was intimidated by that whiny Squall chap so I can't see her stepping up and bossing the Thunderer around, regardless of that whole whip and PVC dress thing.
Anyway, there's only one mortal who commands Thor, and he's not with us any more. *sniff* I miss you Steve...
6. 2 finds him/her/itself inserted into 6's continuity. As far as anyone other than 2 or 6 is concerned, they've always been there. What role would 2 be presumed to have had in 6's story, and could they fit in without going wonky?
Reno and Jessie. Reno Raines in the Pokemon continuity?
I'd buy that for a dollar!
It'd be hard at first to crowbar him in there, no doubt James would be immensely jealous and Reno doesn't do all that well will dominant women but he'd be an asset to Team Rocket. Instead of Giovanni relying on JJ&M to concoct an elaborate plan to capture Ash's pokemon he'd just put a bounty on Pikachu's head for $1,000 and leave it at that.
Think of the fun you could have with the Team Rocket motto!
Jessie: Prepare for trouble! James: And make it double! Reno: I was a Pokemon Trainer and good at my job... Jessie: To protect the world from devastation! James: To unite all peoples within our nation! Reno: But I comitted the ultimate sin and testified against other Pokemon Trainers... Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love! James: To extend our reach to the stars above! Reno: ...Pokemon Trainers gone bad, Trainers that tried to kill me but got the Squirtle I loved instead. Jessie: Jessie! James: James! Reno: Reno! I mean Vince! Jessie: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light! James: Surrender now, or prepare to fight! Meowth: Meowth! That's right! Reno: Can we go prowl the badlands now?
7. 3 and 5 get three wishes. The catch is that they have to agree on all three wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What three wishes would they make?
3 wishes for Mothra and Hans Gruber? Not two people that I'd usually imagine teaming up, but it'd mean that to beat them, John McClane would have to team up with Godzilla.
I'll let that one sink in for a moment.
Having just come up with the greatest idea in film history for y'all, anything I say after this cannot live up to that moment of glory but I'll give it a whirl anyway.
The first wish would be Mothra's - maybe this incarnation she gets to actually see her daughter instead of her hatching just as she dies. And I think Hans would be OK with that. Hans would probably wish for John McClane to have used 2 more bullets to kill Marco. After that, they've got a third wish to share. Hans has got his money, Mothra has her baby/larva so what more do they need? A wish for supporting characters to get the full recognition they deserve when all the attention is usually lavished on the star of the piece? Yeah, why not.
8. 1 and 2 are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control to attack and kill 4. They keep their normal personality, skills and competence level, except any Code vs. Killing has been turned off. Can 4 survive? How?
Thor and Reno Raines are brainwashed into killing ED-209?
The last time Thor was brainwashed it took the combined might of Adam Warlock and the Infinity Watch to bring him down, so much as I like ED-209 he hasn't got an altar boy in the Vatican's chance of getting out of there unmolested.
9. 6, 7, 9 & 10 must help an orphanage full of small and depressed children have a merry Christmas. Who does what, knowing that at the very least the kids will be expecting a visit from Santa?
Jessie, Quistis, Columbo and Hela.
Quistis would make a good Santa - she already wears red and she actually grew up in an orphanage so she's going to know exactly what the kids are going to want. Columbo would probably quite good at telling the poor little orphans entertaining stories and doing magic tricks (if I recall correctly he picked some up in an episode or two) and Jessie could let the orphans play with her pokemon. You'd have to make sure that Hela's job was something away from the kids though - if she ruffled little Mary's hair she might accidentally activate the Hand of Glory. Next thing you know, Niffelheim's population has increased by one, Naglfar's prow is bigger by 20 finger-and-toe-nails and you have a whole host of kiddiwinks freaking out over a rapidly decaying corpse. I don't know, she could probably make the decorations out of the souls of those vikings who died the straw death or something.
10. 3 and 8 are challenged to circumnavigate the Earth in eighty days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or will they be fatally distracted by sidequests or their own personality conflicts?
That would be Mothra and Oracle.
Well, Mothra can fly around the world in about a day, so that's pretty easy. Sure, she might have to contend with Rodan and Jet Jaguar along the way but Mothra always takes Rodan and Oracle could probably rewire Jet Jaguar to help them out so I can't see any number of side quests holding them up. If Kataraina Armstrong started making trouble for Barbara, Mothra would just fry her with the Sun Strike Buster. Again, that's something I would quite like to see.
Hey! I managed to get through that last question without making a joke about wheelchair accessability in the 1900s! Go me!
Damn.
Anyway, that's the meme over with, but I believe that it is customary in these situations to "tag" people so I'm going to hit my homeboys in the BadPoo Massive and tag The Richard, MC Leigh and T-Dawg. No doubt what they write will be far funnier than this but I can't actually imagine them doing it. Nevertheless, the challenge is made. ---
You all notice how I subtly slipped in some linkblogging in that post there? I AM THE ANTMASTER!
Tomorrow on This Sentence No Verb: Becaue one person demanded it, Thor: Property Developer!
Hey there y'all, how's it going? Sorry it's been a while since I rapped at you, but there's been a whole bunch of things - thought I was moving out (I'm not) so had to get the house all sorted and do a bit of packing, been on shit shifts at work, preparing for an interview for a promotion (I got it), entertaining Kiwis - y'know the sort of stuff.
Anyway, I've been pretty lax at updating this here blog but I was thinking about it today and whilst these shifts at work are draining me something chronic at the moment they stop being so crap as of this Friday. I was also thinking that when I've set myself targets in the past on this thing I've pretty much met them so I'm going to use that ability right now because it's less likely I'll let this place drift if I commit in writing.
As of this Saturday I promise I will deliver a whole week of content. 7 days of consecutive posting. I have a couple of things that I want to hit y'all with (including, but not limited to an all new 30 Things and some more Animal Cruelty) but maybe not enough fully formed ideas for a whole week so I wouldn't mind a suggestion or two. So suggest already.
- - -
I also want to recommend that people head on over to Facedown In The Gutters too. Yes, I've plugged it before but you have to understand that it is a wonderful, funderful place of joy and happiness. If blogs were God's laboratories then F.I.T.G. would be the factory where puppies and kittens come from. Also dinosaurs. Go visit!
I don't know whether it says more about the media, modern religion or me that I was struggling to decide whether or not to use the phrase "God's laboratories" or "Dr Moreau-style creature vats" in that last paragraph. Huh.
This post isn't just a vague promise and a link though! No sir! I thought I'd just give you all a treat of pure awesomeness too! For your visual pleasure I present Wonder Woman kicking serious amounts of ass.
Okay, she might not be a certaindeath-Goddess but she is up there. Plus, that clip also features Hawkgirl's Kill Bill look which was an inspired costume change. Inspired I tells ya!
Hey there people, how's it going? Y'all large and in charge? Good stuff, that's what I like to hear. So, what to talk about today? Couple of ideas going on but then I was interrupted by reading this.
Yup, Newsarama has got the first 8 pages of Thor V3 #3 up in a preview kind of way and being incredibly naive I thought it might hold huge amounts of promise. Usually I won't criticise something without reading the entireity of the issue but it's breaking news and it caught my attention, so let's take a look at is shall we?
Wow. Just...wow. I'm sure that an intellectual point is about to be made, but I still think there's something incredibly...off...with sending a Weather God to New Orleans. Just sayin'. Maybe they'll redeem themselves with page 2, maybe not. Let's find out together.
Why were there no heroes there to help? Possibly because the writer's then displayed a little more sensitivity and decorum. It's making me uncomfortable to read this because Marvel's varied polemics over the past couple of years in regard to politics has been less than exellent.
Hey! It's just like the ending to Civil War! When heroes fight, everybody loses! Especially the readers! Now, I'm not against two heroes battling each other in a classic team-up way - misunderstanding leading to a fight and then working together for the common good (after all Thor himself has had some mighty throwdowns with Hercules) or when a hero has been mind controlled or so vastly mischaracterised that they need a good beatdown (like I'm hoping happens in this issue) but it shouldn't be so serious and it shouldn't be a never ending war between 2 factions of heroes. I can get quality satire and political commentary in other places, and it's just not done well enough in recent comics for me to want to see more of it there.
Well, at least there's some consistency with Iron Man - he's a sleaze in every comic he appears in ATM! You've got to love that futurism, right there. All business. Well, he wants to get down to "business". Whatever it is, it can't be as slow and actionless as the last issue. Let's see some business!
I was jokinglast time! No more real estate! Stop it! Dull! Incredibly dull!
Although that last panel has potential. "So? What do you say?" With a feed line like that, there's only one response that the Thunderer can give! It is on!
How the hell can you not follow a setup like that with "I SAY THEE NAY!" Do they just hate Thor fans? You can't build something up like that and let it hang. That'd be like having the Joker laughing maniacally about how he's taken care of Batman whilst he stands under a massive window and having the approaching shape turn out to be the window cleaner. Whilst Batman's off deliberately not building memorials that he should because the writer is being commanded by his sinisterbesuited paymasters. Sorry, off topic there. At least the thunder's a-coming now, the next page is so going to be Iron Man's face meeting Mjolnir!
Just fight already! Less posey, more hitty! Come on! Argh! 8 pages! We'd be halfway through an old Stan and Jack Mighty Thor! And by this point he'd probably already have fought Ulik, had an argument with Odin, performed surgery as Donald Blake and gone hunting with Sif and Balder! Bloody get on with it! Stop trying to build the mood so much! You can do better! You're not making a movie!
Right. That's it. 8 pages that don't fill me with hope. I know it's only a preview and maybe after that it gets awesome, but I have a horrible suspicion that the fight is going to be stopped when they end up endagering that civilian who was lecturing Thor earlier. Ugh.
Thing with the internet is everyone has very widely differing opinions and through the safety of anonominity that it provides it means that people get angry when you attack something. You get insults, swearing, displays homophobia, misogyny and xenophobia, you get phrases like "If you don't like it, why not write comics yourself?!"
OK. I accept the challenge.
8 pages? I can do better in 8 panels using the magic of MSPaint and Adobe Photoshop - Proud and entirely unwitting sponsors of This Sentence No Verb.
Disclaimer: This took me ages and the amount of effort put into doing it far exceeds the actual entertainment value and quality of the final product. Seriously, I spent hours on this.
I had Walt Simonson do one of those panels. I'll let you work out which one.
Well, I may never win an Eisner for that work and I'm going to end up getting Thor #3 anyway, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. It'll be an arduous exercise in character building. Always try and find a positive. But I guess I could be wrong, it could turn out to be awesome. Right? What do you think Thor?
And here we are for part 3. Part 2 was written mostly drunk so I didn't get chance to explain that these aren't the top 30 awesome moments in film, y'see, this list is pretty much reliant on what I can find on YouTube, otherwise I can't demonstrate the awesomeness of the moment. With words, it's just...impossible. So,if there's a moment that doesn't appear on this list that you thought was a dead cert then chances are I can't find it up on the interweb. Either that or your taste sucks.
So, let's get to it and finish rocking your faces.
21. Jurassic Park - If you didn't see this at the cinema I truly pity you.
Goldblum. Dinosaurs. The reappearance of the real star of the film, the T-Rex. Liquid awesome.
22. Goldeneye - He's not my favourite Bond and this isn't the best Bond film, but the pure awesomeness of this entrance cannot be denied.
Yes, the Blues Brothers is an excellent chase, and so is Ronin and Bullitt but they don't involve a tank, do they? Come on, have a word.
23. The Italian Job - The real one of course! It was the whole car chasing thing that made me think of it but that scene is too long to be properly classed as a "moment" really, so here's the best and most often quoted line.
You love it. Explosions and Michael Caine make the world go round.
24. Airplane! - He's back!
Could Michael Jordan do that? No, he was in the terrifyingly poor Space Jam. Plus, he'd spend all his time chummying up to the kid in order to sell him some more sweatshop produced trainers. Kareem? He lays down the law and tells it like it is. Check the look of terror and the kid's face! 'Nuff said, True Believer.
25. Spider-Man 2 - Being awesme isn't all about scaring people and blowing things up though, sometimes it's about gosh darn heroism. This is the best bit from the whole trilogy and surprisingly the only comic book adaptation I've got up here. But c'mon, it's Spidey!
They obviously couldn't fit the Final Chapter 5 Pages into the film so they went with this instead which does an equally good job of characterising Peter's determination. No matter what I read or what I start obsessing over, at heart I'm still your friendy neighbourhood Spidey-Fan.
26. Office Space - Not had your fill of violence yet? Well how's about this merciless beatdown?
This is so awesome that it never fails to get Richard to drunkenly recreate it.
This scene is made all the better by the fact that we've wanted to that ourselves so much. Of course, I've also wanted to go crazy blowing up a jungle with a minigun, but what ya gonna do?
27. Terminator 2 - Robot! Minigun! Robot and Minigun! Prepared to be rocked!
28. My Cousin Vinny - OK, I had an easy pop at Tomei last time, and I shouldn't have. It was an easy swipe and comedy gets enough of a bad time at the Oscars as it is and I actually think she deserved the Oscar for her magnificent performance. So, in celebration of that, lets use a Pesci heavy scene from the film!
That would also be my reaction. To be fair, if I ended up in a hunting lodge in America surrounded by bears, wolves, deer, beavers, eagles and sasquatches I'd get tooled up straight away and spend the majority of my time shooting randomly into the distance. In this country the legalisation of firearm ownership to the same extent as in the States would be a bad idea. Over there, in a country where 15% of fatalities are caused by The Jersey Devil* they should be given weapons at birth.
29. Ghost Dog: Way Of The Samurai - Pointless Stan Lee ones aside, cameos in films tend to be good. A reward to the fans, a little nod or something. This is the king of all cameos though from Samurai themed gangster movie Ghost Dog.
It's the RZA! What the hell?! Brilliant! Bobby Digital should randomly turn up in all films, say something relatively deep then walk off.
30. The Wonderful Ice Cream Suit - Any clip from the Greatest Movie Ever Made will do.
Buy this film.
So there you go Producers. You want to make your films better? Easy, all you need is a project starring Arnie and Kareem Abdul Jabbar travelling through time in a tricked out Peugeot fighting Dinosaurs, Giant Monsters, Robots Ninjas and the Viet Cong using miniguns, shotguns, chainsaws and pens. A helicopter containing Nazis and Arabs should also be destroyed by the Peugeot after a hectic chase involving a tank. Have Brian Glover tell a joke to John Cusack, Michael Caine and Joe Pesci, throw in plenty of swearing and one or two song and dance numbers scored by John Williams and played by a the RZA's mariachi band and you're laughing. Also, a camel should be rendered unconscious. Groovy!
Are you telling me you wouldn't watch that film? Pshaw!
Of course, no awesome film can be complete without some awesome credits. Take it away Jackie...
Well, I said "tomorrow" and as it turned out, I lied. It wasn't intentionally misleading though, it's just that yesterday I had this whole thing with a thing, where I had to do the thing and...actually, I just couldn't be bothered. Sorry. Like all y'all care anyway.
Just to clear something up, this isn't in order and neither is it my top 30 film moments, these are just 30 moments in films that make you go "Hell yeah!". So, here for your complete lack of pleasure are another 10! Incidentally, there are probably spoilers ahead so for the first time I ever I unveil my Spoiler warning.
No-one will get that. Let's get to it then.
11. Grosse Pointe Blank - Let's start off with some absolutely horrific violence. Fighting is always good in films and comics. In real life, I am not so keen on the pointless violence but it's hard to deny the allure of watching people go mental with the kicking and stuff in fiction. It's very uncivilised of me yes, and not very progressive but part (well, most) of my brain is wired to go "Damn! That rocks!" And this my friends, rocks.
Holy shiznit. Y'all see that? John Cusack (who is a candiadate for celebrities I would be gay for) kills a guy with a pen after some terrifyingly vicious kickboxing. This fight is considered by many to be the best in film history, and it's hard to fault people who think that. Part of it has got to be the contrast which is used well in the film, light hearted comedy and romance paired up with people getting genuinely messed up. Other uses of pens in cinema history include Goldeneye and Casino.
12. Goodfellas - I tease you with Casino and your brain only goes one way. Go on, then here you go...
Wow! Swearing is big and clever! Not only is this scene funny but it's a masterclass in terror. Joe Pesci is on top form form as grade A psycho. The scene may have been parodied to death but it's still burned into the minds of the cinema loving public. This scene is part of the reason why Goodfellas should have won Best Picture. Yet another travesty in the history of the Academy Awards. *coughmarissatomeicough*
13. Game Of Death - Everyone has their own favourite martial artist. Much as I love the likes of Donnie Yuen, Jet Li and Jackie Chan (and despite my Grandma's inexplicable crush on Sammo) Bruce Lee is the martial artist. Come on, he's just plain nails. People may line up to fight him one by one and his legend probably oversells his talent but he's the one who brought kung-fu films to us all. It seemed like there was no-one who could possibly stop him. No matter how much someone was built up against him, he'd always prevail. We just couldn't take any villain seriously. Until...
Bruce Lee should not have won that fight. Ok, Kareem may get choked out but he still manages to slam Bruce through a bench whilst being strangled. And the noises he makles are 40% less silly than those coming from Bruce. When he throws that punch and sends Bruce flying is when you start rooting for the bad guy over the hero and that right there is where Kareem Abdul Jabbar became a God and replaced Doctor J as the greatest backetball player of all time. I'm not talking on the court, I'm just talking in terms of awesomeness. If I ever ran an evil organisation Kareem would be Henchman #1. Jean Paul Gaultier would be Henchman #2 but I'm not going to go into that right now.
14. Taxi 2 - And speaking of the French, here's one of their better films. Hell, I actually wanted a different bit from the first film to use as a clip here, but unfortunately I can't seem to find it up on YouTube so we'll just have to make do with the third greatest moment in French film history. If you are unfamiliar with the first film it concerns the world's fastest taxi driver helping the police against a gang of German thieves. Here is the opening to number 2.
Car chases are always a good thing to throw in a film, but there's something special about a rally car being overtaken by a taxi.
15. An American Werewolf In London - A great film throughout despite the fact that they take David to London rather than Leeds General. Anyway, thefilm is packed with awesome although my favourite bit is Brian Glover.
Perfect. Joke. Delivery. Probably the only time I'd ever feel happy praising a Yorkshireman being such a proud Lancastrian but you can't fault the way he tells it. Damn, that Glover has skillz to pay the billz. Or at least put a significant downpayment on them.
16. Se7en - A film that I swear should be known as SeSevenEn because of the stupid use of a number in the middle of the word. It doesn't even look like a V! Maybe at 90 degrees or if you're stoned but come on, for a worldwide release? What the hell?! Anyway, here's another great scene and awesome moment from Hollywood, the climactic and spectacularly acted ending to Se7en.
Ha ha ha! You all thought the joke one was coming at number 30! Psyche! Man, the ending to Se7en sucks.
Worst.
Acting.
Ever.
17. Aladdin - From the second best film ever (if you want to know number one, check out part 3) here's the best song from the film.
I defy you to not go away singing that.
"#He's got the monkeys! Let's see the monkeys!"
18. Apocalypse Now - We're on the big guns now, here's the most awe-inspiring moment in the 4th greatest film ever.
Sure, it's on about the atrocities comitted during the Vietnam war, but when you see this on the big screen you can't help but be blown away by the experience. It may be my 4th favourite film ever but it's number 1 in the cinema. And I don't even like German opera.
19. South Park The Movie: Bigger, Longer and Uncut - Proving that musicals don't have to be paint-by-the-numbers blandosity.
Being the sort of guy who mocks the whole "Won't somebody think of the children" type mentality, I love this piece of satire. It pretty much sums up what is wrong with the world today, "#We must blame them and cause a fuss, before somebody thinks of blaming US!" Fuck parents. Just because y'all had a kid, doesn't make you special. Try fucking parenting for a change. Video games, TV, movies or rap music don't make kids fuck up, it's a lack of parenting skillls. I've made many mistakes in my life so far and I'll no doubt make many nmre but the responsibility lies solely at my feet, don't try and pawn it off onto some scapegoat. Damn, stuff like that makes me angry. Sorry if I got all preachy there, but I'm drunk now and I find it harder to refrain from righteous anger.
20. Brotherhood Of The Wolf - And just in case you were wondering from earlier on, here is the greatest moment in French film history.
That is Mark Dacascos playing a Native American ninja who is assistant to a biologist hunting a werewolf that is actually a lion in semi robotic armour in pre-revolutionary France. This is why it bugs me when people knock the French. If you can find a character concept stronger than that one I will happily accept all erroneous accusations of cowardice. Hell, Captain America likes liked the French when he was alive and if it's good enough for Cap, it's good enough for the rest of the world. I miss you Steve! *sob* Err, anyway...
That's it for part 2. Make sure you head on back in the next couple of days for part 3 which will include, ooh, let me see... dinosaurs, robots and Kareem Abdul Jabbar!
Man, I would love for AC to be the artist on my ill-conceived Hela mini-series.
He's so cute! Look at his little legs dangling! Awww!
Yeah, that is pretty lowest common denominator, isn't it? What next,
Weak dude. Weak.
