Thor: Property Developer

Hey there people, how's it going? Y'all large and in charge? Good stuff, that's what I like to hear. So, what to talk about today? Couple of ideas going on but then I was interrupted by reading this.

Yup, Newsarama has got the first 8 pages of Thor V3 #3 up in a preview kind of way and being incredibly naive I thought it might hold huge amounts of promise. Usually I won't criticise something without reading the entireity of the issue but it's breaking news and it caught my attention, so let's take a look at is shall we?

Page 1

Wow. Just...wow. I'm sure that an intellectual point is about to be made, but I still think there's something incredibly...off...with sending a Weather God to New Orleans. Just sayin'. Maybe they'll redeem themselves with page 2, maybe not. Let's find out together.

Page 2

Why were there no heroes there to help? Possibly because the writer's then displayed a little more sensitivity and decorum. It's making me uncomfortable to read this because Marvel's varied polemics over the past couple of years in regard to politics has been less than exellent.

Page 3

Hey! It's just like the ending to Civil War! When heroes fight, everybody loses! Especially the readers! Now, I'm not against two heroes battling each other in a classic team-up way - misunderstanding leading to a fight and then working together for the common good (after all Thor himself has had some mighty throwdowns with Hercules) or when a hero has been mind controlled or so vastly mischaracterised that they need a good beatdown (like I'm hoping happens in this issue) but it shouldn't be so serious and it shouldn't be a never ending war between 2 factions of heroes. I can get quality satire and political commentary in other places, and it's just not done well enough in recent comics for me to want to see more of it there.

Page 4

Holy crap! Iron Man's here within 4 pages! I guess it's about to be on. Possibly. Although I'm only guessing.

Page 5

Well, at least there's some consistency with Iron Man - he's a sleaze in every comic he appears in ATM! You've got to love that futurism, right there. All business. Well, he wants to get down to "business". Whatever it is, it can't be as slow and actionless as the last issue. Let's see some business!

Page 6

Oh. My. God.

They're at it again!


I was joking last time! No more real estate! Stop it! Dull! Incredibly dull!

Although that last panel has potential. "So? What do you say?" With a feed line like that, there's only one response that the Thunderer can give! It is on!

Page 7

How the hell can you not follow a setup like that with "I SAY THEE NAY!" Do they just hate Thor fans? You can't build something up like that and let it hang. That'd be like having the Joker laughing maniacally about how he's taken care of Batman whilst he stands under a massive window and having the approaching shape turn out to be the window cleaner. Whilst Batman's off deliberately not building memorials that he should because the writer is being commanded by his sinister besuited paymasters. Sorry, off topic there. At least the thunder's a-coming now, the next page is so going to be Iron Man's face meeting Mjolnir!

Page 8

Just fight already! Less posey, more hitty! Come on! Argh! 8 pages! We'd be halfway through an old Stan and Jack Mighty Thor! And by this point he'd probably already have fought Ulik, had an argument with Odin, performed surgery as Donald Blake and gone hunting with Sif and Balder! Bloody get on with it! Stop trying to build the mood so much! You can do better! You're not making a movie!

Right. That's it. 8 pages that don't fill me with hope. I know it's only a preview and maybe after that it gets awesome, but I have a horrible suspicion that the fight is going to be stopped when they end up endagering that civilian who was lecturing Thor earlier. Ugh.

Thing with the internet is everyone has very widely differing opinions and through the safety of anonominity that it provides it means that people get angry when you attack something. You get insults, swearing, displays homophobia, misogyny and xenophobia, you get phrases like "If you don't like it, why not write comics yourself?!"

OK. I accept the challenge.

8 pages? I can do better in 8 panels using the magic of MSPaint and Adobe Photoshop - Proud and entirely unwitting sponsors of This Sentence No Verb.

Disclaimer: This took me ages and the amount of effort put into doing it far exceeds the actual entertainment value and quality of the final product. Seriously, I spent hours on this.


















I had Walt Simonson do one of those panels. I'll let you work out which one.

Well, I may never win an Eisner for that work and I'm going to end up getting Thor #3 anyway, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. It'll be an arduous exercise in character building. Always try and find a positive. But I guess I could be wrong, it could turn out to be awesome. Right? What do you think Thor?

CBB #1: Thor

Hello again. I'm back to do another little post here in an attempt to keep my brain going, pass the time and share a love with you all. CBB or Comic Book Badassery is essentially the moment in a comic when you go "Wow! That's badass!" You may not use those exact words, but the sentiment is pretty easy to grasp. Usually these moments tend to involve somebody getting punched really hard or something being blown up but there are plenty of other badass moments which just showcase superpowers in a novel yet undeniably awesome way. And it's one of those that I want to share with you tonight.

This piece of CBB comes from Dan Jurgens' run on Thor, Thor #29 (Vol. 2) to be exact. Thor and the Warriors Three (a viking Three Musketeers if you will) have just battled the Wrecking Crew who were attempting to steal the powers of the Asgardians and though the Wrecking Crew were driven off, Hogun the Grim was slain in the battle. Awesome as the battle was, what follows is absolutely textbook CBB. We join Thor, Fandral the Dashing and Volstagg the Voluminous as they grieve over their lost comrade. As ever, click to enlarge.



It's that Asgardian dialogue that does it for me. If I am ever attended by friends as I shuffle off this mortal coil I demand that someone uses the phrase "By the bristling beard of Odin!" Hell, I demand people start using that phrase when ordering a pint. "By the bristling beard of Odin, where is my Thwaites' Mild, bar wench?"



Even if you are unfamiliar with Thor's powers you have got to have some idea as to where this is going, right? That tingling sense of anticipation is the first sign that you're about to get some CBB. Additionally comic tradition states that when Thor starts reminding people just how cool he is we know that it is about to be on.



Even Fandral knows that what will happen next is going to be totally boss, radical and killer.



That my friends, is what we describe as "well skill". Just look at that final panel! You never saw Clooney doing anything like that at his hospital, did you? Thor is one of the most powerful and deservedly braggadacio of heroes and nothing says "I am so cool they use my ass to power the Casket of Ancient Winters" like restarting someone's heart with lightning.

The dialogue too. What Thor actually says; "Let sing the voices of Asgard! HOGUN LIVES!" is truly badass in and of itself but what your brain translates this as is altered by his pose, whited-out-by-power-eyes and the magnitude of what has just happened. I don't know about you, but when I look at that panel, Thor has become so cool that I read it as this:

Thor: The John Shaft of Marvel.

There we are, a pure moment of CBB that I love to read over and over again. If, when Tony Blair said there were 24 hours to save the NHS, he brought in the Odinson rather than consultants and targets to reduce waiting lists we'd probably have the best healthcare in the world. No wonder Scandinavian countries always beat us. Could Thor ever work for one of New Labour's PFI hospitals though?



If only backbenchers displayed as much cojones as the Thunderer.

Political Commentary With Martian Manhunter

J'onn J'onnz is against the smoking ban.



Common sense prevails over the smoking ban!