JYD Reviews: Thor Vol3 #3

Thor: Property Developer

And we're back with the most diligent examination of Asgardian real estate that you're ever going to find on this or any other internet! We have Thor #3 so let's check out what advice Thor has been seeking about property law! As ever, click to make the pictures economy sized.



Yes! It's still going on. JMS can really stretch out an idea, can't he?

I kid! I kid! That isn't what this post is about. It's time to get my review on!

You may or may not have noticed that I'm quite a fan of Thor and as such I was looking forward to this new series. Especially when I realised that it was being written by J. Michael "Babylon 5" Straczynski. Then I remembered that he's also J. Michael "Sins Past" Straczynski and the anticipation changed to dread that it was going to suck more than Star Trek V. Issue #1 was very much a setting up of the series with Donald Blake explaining that whilst all the Asgardians were dead (actually dead, not Valhalla or Niffelheim dead) and the cycle of Ragnarok had been broken that something of the Gods still lived on in the minds of men, so Thor returned to seek out his friends, family and probably some foes too.

Issue #2...well, I talked about this already and I was less than impressed.

Then I saw the preview of Issue #3 and my heart really began to sink. It didn't look like it was going to be any good at all.

Issue #3 hit the stands this week. One more chance. We had better get some top notch action in this one or else. Well Thor, did we get some top notch action?



Oh SNAP!

The preview promised some kind of confrontation with Iron Man which was only moderately exciting because, well Tony's had a beatdown from Spidey, She-Hulk, The Hulk and pretty much every other hero in the MU recently. Just another in the latest of a long line of Someone-Beats-Down-On-Tony-Stark-But-Tony-Has-Some-Sort-Of-Special-Device-Or-Suit-Of-Armour-That-Makes-It-Evenly-Matched-So-Even-Though-Tony-Is-A-World-Class-Dick-He-Doesn't-Get-The-Smackdown-We-Want-To-See type fights. So, here we go again. Yeah, we get the action that this series needs but the fight's going to be exactly the same. Or is it? Or IS it? OR IS IT?

Here we go with the repulsor blast that'll take Thor out. *sigh*

See?

Hold on a minute there Captioning John , is the next panel actually incredibly awesome? Could it be Thor completely unharmed?

Holy crap Main Post Writing John! You're right! It looked like I jumped the gun there a little bit.

Hang on, do you too have the wonderful feeling that when we're going to turn the page that all is going to be right with the world?

No way. We can't be that lucky. Can we? I mean, so far this series has been all about Thor tooling about in Asgard. There's no way that we're going to get some Comic Book Badassery. It's just not going to happen.

It is on my friends. It. Is. ON.

HOT DAMN! If anything deserves an Action Replay, it's that!.

SPANNG!

One more time!

*sniff* It's just...beautiful --sob--

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!



From this point on this issue rocked my face. Tony gets a serious beatdown and doesn't even manage to scratch Thor and all the while the Odinson is using his own inimitable style of Asgardian smack-talk.

And if you think that's good, you should hear Thor's stack of "Yo' Momma" jokes.

There was even a reveal at the end of the issue. Remember the New Orleans guy from the preview who had a go at Thor? Well, it turns out that the reason he is so sad is because he is harbouring more than his own grief, he's also experiencing the grief of the Gods because he's go an Asgardian clamped onto his soul. Thor frees Heimdall from the minds of mortals and returns to Asgard with the guardian of the Rainbow Bridge.

There are one or two minor criticisms I can make though, the issue still suffers a little bit from too much talky and not enough hitty and Thor does let Tony leave (even if he makes him walk home) but I can forgive that. I can forgive it because as a whole the issue was one that makes me punch my fist in the air. We know what's coming up next too, Thor is going to carry on searching for the Asgardians so it's probably going to be Balder or Sif in the next issue. That's OK I suppose. JMS has already achieved awesomeness here so we can't expect him to match it in the next issue by bringing back the Warriors Three or something.

Touché JMS. Touché.

Tomorrow on This Sentence No Verb: Animal Cruelty #2

Thor: Property Developer

Hey there people, how's it going? Y'all large and in charge? Good stuff, that's what I like to hear. So, what to talk about today? Couple of ideas going on but then I was interrupted by reading this.

Yup, Newsarama has got the first 8 pages of Thor V3 #3 up in a preview kind of way and being incredibly naive I thought it might hold huge amounts of promise. Usually I won't criticise something without reading the entireity of the issue but it's breaking news and it caught my attention, so let's take a look at is shall we?

Page 1

Wow. Just...wow. I'm sure that an intellectual point is about to be made, but I still think there's something incredibly...off...with sending a Weather God to New Orleans. Just sayin'. Maybe they'll redeem themselves with page 2, maybe not. Let's find out together.

Page 2

Why were there no heroes there to help? Possibly because the writer's then displayed a little more sensitivity and decorum. It's making me uncomfortable to read this because Marvel's varied polemics over the past couple of years in regard to politics has been less than exellent.

Page 3

Hey! It's just like the ending to Civil War! When heroes fight, everybody loses! Especially the readers! Now, I'm not against two heroes battling each other in a classic team-up way - misunderstanding leading to a fight and then working together for the common good (after all Thor himself has had some mighty throwdowns with Hercules) or when a hero has been mind controlled or so vastly mischaracterised that they need a good beatdown (like I'm hoping happens in this issue) but it shouldn't be so serious and it shouldn't be a never ending war between 2 factions of heroes. I can get quality satire and political commentary in other places, and it's just not done well enough in recent comics for me to want to see more of it there.

Page 4

Holy crap! Iron Man's here within 4 pages! I guess it's about to be on. Possibly. Although I'm only guessing.

Page 5

Well, at least there's some consistency with Iron Man - he's a sleaze in every comic he appears in ATM! You've got to love that futurism, right there. All business. Well, he wants to get down to "business". Whatever it is, it can't be as slow and actionless as the last issue. Let's see some business!

Page 6

Oh. My. God.

They're at it again!


I was joking last time! No more real estate! Stop it! Dull! Incredibly dull!

Although that last panel has potential. "So? What do you say?" With a feed line like that, there's only one response that the Thunderer can give! It is on!

Page 7

How the hell can you not follow a setup like that with "I SAY THEE NAY!" Do they just hate Thor fans? You can't build something up like that and let it hang. That'd be like having the Joker laughing maniacally about how he's taken care of Batman whilst he stands under a massive window and having the approaching shape turn out to be the window cleaner. Whilst Batman's off deliberately not building memorials that he should because the writer is being commanded by his sinister besuited paymasters. Sorry, off topic there. At least the thunder's a-coming now, the next page is so going to be Iron Man's face meeting Mjolnir!

Page 8

Just fight already! Less posey, more hitty! Come on! Argh! 8 pages! We'd be halfway through an old Stan and Jack Mighty Thor! And by this point he'd probably already have fought Ulik, had an argument with Odin, performed surgery as Donald Blake and gone hunting with Sif and Balder! Bloody get on with it! Stop trying to build the mood so much! You can do better! You're not making a movie!

Right. That's it. 8 pages that don't fill me with hope. I know it's only a preview and maybe after that it gets awesome, but I have a horrible suspicion that the fight is going to be stopped when they end up endagering that civilian who was lecturing Thor earlier. Ugh.

Thing with the internet is everyone has very widely differing opinions and through the safety of anonominity that it provides it means that people get angry when you attack something. You get insults, swearing, displays homophobia, misogyny and xenophobia, you get phrases like "If you don't like it, why not write comics yourself?!"

OK. I accept the challenge.

8 pages? I can do better in 8 panels using the magic of MSPaint and Adobe Photoshop - Proud and entirely unwitting sponsors of This Sentence No Verb.

Disclaimer: This took me ages and the amount of effort put into doing it far exceeds the actual entertainment value and quality of the final product. Seriously, I spent hours on this.


















I had Walt Simonson do one of those panels. I'll let you work out which one.

Well, I may never win an Eisner for that work and I'm going to end up getting Thor #3 anyway, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. It'll be an arduous exercise in character building. Always try and find a positive. But I guess I could be wrong, it could turn out to be awesome. Right? What do you think Thor?

Sunday Morning Awesomeness

Blatantly pinched from Scans Daily:

I present to you the manliest thing you are going to see all day.



Tony Stark in his pre-cretinous days. Shirtless and mulletted forging robotic fighting suits with a cybernetic hammer as guitars wail in the background. Shortly after filming this intro sequence, Tony went off to wrestle a vampire-bear on the surface of the moon.

And if that's a little bit too manly for you, let's bring it back down with Wonder Woman rescuing some puppies.



Damn, that is equally badass but in an entirely different way. You know that as soon as she's got those puppies to safety someone is going to get their head kicked in.

I know what can calm us all down! A panel from Thor: Property Developer!


I say thee must have filed all relevant forms with the appropriate departments! Have at thee, paperwork!