Mirror Match #1

What up? Today This Sentence No Verb brings to you a staple of the world of video games and soon to be a staple of this blog! The Mirror Match!

The Mirror Match is where we will get two comics featuring the same character and stack them up against each other with a view to a) seeing which one is better and b) attempting to be entertaining by being snarky.

So, with no further ado let's introduce the competitors!

In the Red Corner, weighing in at 16 pages and brought you by Stan "The Man" Lee and Jack "King" Kirby we have the consummate ring veteran....The Mighty Thor Vol1 #150 "Even In Death--!"

And in the blue corner weighing in at 24 pages and brought to you by J. Michael "I Did Babylon 5" Straczynski and Oliver "The Frenchman " Coipel we have the new kid on the block.....Thor Vol3 #2 "Issue 2"

It's classic Marvel Age Madness vs Movie Style Decompression!

Let's get to the action!

The Mighty Thor Vol1 #150

1. Thor lies dead in the rubble! What force could have beaten the Odinson?

2. The Wrecker! Thor's deadliest enemy! It is the crowbar wielding green and purple villain that has slain the Thunderer. Checking to see that Thor is dead the Wrecker is satisfied and heads off to conquer the world! An ambitious plan for one who would eventually start hanging with a couple of rough tricks called "Piledriver" and "Thunderball"

3. As Thor's body lies amongst the ruins he is visited by his deadliest enemy Hela, Norse Goddess of Death and ruler of Hel and Niffelheim! She has come to claim him but before she can she sees that Thor is not fully dead! His spirit rises from the body and reaches out to Hela!

4. Meanwhile in Nornheim , Loki, Thor's evil half-brother and deadliest enemy visits the deadliest of all Thor's enemies Karnilla, Queen of the Norns - it was she who granted the Wrecker the power to slay the Odinson! Loki asks that she also take care of Thor's allies Balder and Sif because they pursue Loki, desperate to get the enchanted crystal globe! Karnilla knows that her Barbaric forest will take care of them before they can ever get near. In the forest itself Sif and Balder are attacked...

Damn, these guys really know how to do hats!

5. ...by a giant barbarian shooting man sized arrows! Balder is pinned to a tree by one but breaks free using his warrior's strength,.

6. Balder throws the arrow back at his foe, smashing the bow into smithereens! He leaps forward, drawing his sword and engages the giant! The giant swings his axe at Balder who ducks. As happens in these situations the giant slices a tree in two, giving Balder an opening.

7. Balder smashes the giant's axe, punches him in the face then grinds his face into the mud whilst talking trash like only an Asgardian can.

Barbaric the Giant is not as well as dressed as the other enemies of Asgard.

8. After vanquishing his foe Balder turns to see that Sif - a might warrior and not at all a damsel in distress - has vanished! Back on Midgard Thor speaks to Hela refusing to go with her whilst one such as the Wrecker threatens the world!

9. A group of policemen attempt to apprehend the Wrecker but he uses his enchanted crowbar to hurl the very ground at them as the bullets bounce off his body. You would have thought that by now the Marvel Universe policemen would have learnt not to bother attacking supervillains. They never get them and always end up having something massive thrown at them.

10. Thor ties to tackle the Wrecker but passes straight through! Not only can he not touch him, he cannot be seen or heard. The Wrecker collapses a building. For kicks.

Aww! He looks so cute down there, waving his little enchanted crowbar!

11. Meanwhile Balder searches for Sif but is ambushed by forest trolls! Thor trolls subdue by Balder by using a blowpipe to fire a giant pellet filled with knockout gas! They chain Balder and take him to their ruler, Karnilla, Queen of the Norns!

12. Karnilla has already captured Sif through means unknown and has her chained up in her castle. Karnilla uses her magical viewing wall to show her the captured Balder! Sif tries to explain their presence but Karnilla is having none of it. They are trespassing in Nornheim!

13. Karnilla then uses her magical viewing wall to show Sif the corpse of Thor! Sif swears that he is still alive in some way, because her heart would know if he was truly dead. Karnilla is touched by her devotion and reveals a secret to Sif - she is in possession of the Destroyer - a near invulnerable suit of armour fuelled by the power of Odin! The only way to use the Destroyer though is to bind the soul of a living creature to it. Surely the Destroyer, Thor's deadliest enemy, could defeat the Wrecker and save Thor, but someone would need to be bound within! Who would possibly volunteer to save the love of Sif's life?

14. Sif! Karnilla removes Sif's soul from her body and binds it to the Destroyer, sending it back to Midgard. Loki appears and in true evil genius fashion laughs maniacally with the Queen - Sif doesn't suspect their master plan!

Those vile fiends! Who would've seen that coming?

15. On Midgard Thor returns back to his body - his spirit attack was entirely pointless! It appears that Hela has gone for some reason. Possibly to buy some more green lipstick or some totally phat alloys for Naflgar. I don't know. I'm sure it was a good reason though. Thor wonders or not whether to enter his body again. It may live or it may condemn him to a final death but with no Hela in sight he risks it. He lives! Meanwhile the Destroyer appears and attacks the Wrecker!

Let sing the voices of Asgard!

16. The Destroyer shatters the Wrecker's enchanted crowbar, bitch slaps him and blasts him unconscious with an energy beam. For a God-Slaying suit of magical armour it's pretty unfortunate that it only ever manages to render people unconscious. Thor turns up and sees the deadliest of his enemies, the Destroyer! Sif tries to signal him but Thor believes it to be be a trick and charges the Destroyer. Next Issue "To The Death!" Thor battles the soul of his dearest love in the body of his deadliest enemy and the return of Ulik the Troll - no enemy of Thor is deadlier than he!

It. Is. On.

A fine showing from the veteran funnybook there - 5 of Thor's rogues gallery, death, betrayal, villainy and bitch-slapping. That's gonna be a tough act to follow but the new boy has a whole 8 page weight advantage. Let's see what he's got.

Thor Vol3 #2

1 A pretty picture of a lovely smalltown diner.

2 Donald Blake is a doctor. He eats breakfast.

3 Donald Blake drives out to a field.

A field.

4 Donald Blake turns into Thor!

5 Thor spins his hammer.

6 The townspeople notice a storm.

7 Thor says "Asgaaaaarrrrddddd!"

Asgaaaaarrrrddddd!

8 The storm continues and some policemen notice it.

9 Asgard appears in the storm.

10 Thor stands in Asgard. He says "Asgard"

Asgard.

11 Thor walks through Asgard.

12 The policemen arrive and tell Thor he can't build on this land.

13 Lightning comes out of Thor's hammer and Asgard starts to move.

14 More lightning, Asgard continues moving

15 Asgard finishes moving. It is now floating above the ground.

16 Asgard is no longer technically on the land. The policemen leave.

Technicalities of planning permission. That's the Mighty Marvel way!

17 Night falls, Thor sits in a chair. He is missing the other Asgardians.

18 Morning. The farmer who owns the land tells Thor that even floating a few feet above the ground, it is still his land.

19 Thor invites the farmer in.

20 Thor offers the farmer whatever he wants from the treasury. Hilarity ensues.

Hilarious consequences.

21 News of Thor's return has spread. The townspeople think he might be lonely.

22 Thor is lonely.

#All by myself...

23 Thor flies away from Asgard.

24 Next Issue: Possibly Thor talks to Iron Man perhaps!


Wow! That 8 page advantage was really used to it's best effect! Nothing excites me more in a comic about the Mightiest of all Asgardians than real estate deals. In fact, I think I know how they can push sales through the roof - much as Thor Vol 2 was renamed Thor: Lord of Asgard in its later days, so too should volume three be rebranded Thor: Property Developer!

Thrill! As Thor closes the deal on some valuable waterfront property!
Marvel! As Thor defeats Loki by selling more houses to become the coveted SalesGod of the month!
Worry! As Thor decides whether to invest in primarily residential or commercial property!
Yawn! As nothing happens!

Surely that's the way for Marvel to go! Each deal could take place over the course of 6 issues - perfect for the trades! What do you say?



Good point.

The Winner:

The Mighty Thor Vol1 #150!